My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Randomize
