like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
