I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
