saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
