Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
