Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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