she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
dude. I can hear the air.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
