Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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