okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
