And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
