You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
