Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
