remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
