oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
