thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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