I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
