so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Send help, water and tortillas.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Randomize
