i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
