Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
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