If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
