i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
