Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
