He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
