were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
