I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
