Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
