Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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