I hate all girls vehemently.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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