I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
