Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
We got so high we made milksteak
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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