Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
