Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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