forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
