My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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