His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Randomize
