as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
my liver is dry heaving
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
