Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
