So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
