it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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