Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
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