It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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