Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
