They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
