after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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