He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
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