My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
