she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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