How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
