I wannas sexs uuuuu
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
