From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Randomize
