Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
