I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
